Lesa Lu

Lesa Lu and you can too!

Contrary to popular belief, I am not an Amish man.

on April 26, 2012

So today I went to Lowes. I needed some various, non-threatening, things. I needed ant poison since I haven’t been able to locate a tiny, ant-sized, machine gun.

I also needed an air filter and tarp and bungee cords. See, we have bears around here that like to get in our trash. Yes, that’s right BEARS! Okay, so maybe it was one bear and he has since moved on to greener pastures. No, I did not kill him. I just started buying generic food and he decided our trash wasn’t so appetizing anymore and on he went. But in his wake there have been hoards of racoon’s and feral cats who don’t mind generic food at all. So, my solution to this? Lock up my garbage tighter than Fort Knox, with an increasingly difficult arrangement of bungee cords. So far so good!

Problem is when I go to Lowes sans husband, I can’t find a single thing I’m looking for! I truly believe they just draw random aisle numbers out of hat when they stock shelves. “Yeah, paper towels?” “Aisle 2 next to the ceiling fans.” What?!

Not that going with the Husband is much different. While I will unashamedly walk up to anyone in a red vest and ask for directions, the husband would never dream of that! He will look for hours claiming, “Oh no, I know where it is.” Which results in an afternoon and lots of dollars wasted at Lowes. So on second thought I was probably safer going alone 🙂

Oh and the tarp. Well I got this bright idea that I could drape the tarp between our porches and make a nice little cubby to keep our bikes out of the rain. See, these are the things I think about when I’m lying awake at midnight listening to the husband snore.

So once I get all my bungee cords and tarps home I recruit Maddox to help me “build a garage”. He gladly signs up and follows me outside. He looks around, looking slightly confused. Wondering where all the wood and siding and tools were probably. When I show him my tarp and bungee cords he says “I thought we were building a garage?” I said “Yeah that’s what I’m doing” and proceed to show him my grand plan. He giggles a little, trying to be polite, and says “Mommy that is not how you build a garage.” To which I replied, “Well how did you think we were going to build it? I’m not an Amish man, so this is the best I’ve got!” Of course my hilarious joke was lost on him as he doesn’t understand that Amish men are known for building astonishing structures in record amounts of time.

But now with my garage built to my satisfaction, much less useful than I pictured it in my head, I am off to make dinner. I’ve got some chicken wings and I found some Hooter’s wing sauce at the grocery store. So I get Hooter’s wings without all the, ya know, Hooters. HAHAHA

And then it’s off to get my very first pedicure with my best friend! I have finally come to a time in my life where I have decided it is totally worth it to pay $25 to have someone make my toes presentable.

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One response to “Contrary to popular belief, I am not an Amish man.

  1. Stacy Roberts says:

    lol

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